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Advent Day 8: Krampus (or pick your battles) - To whom it may concern [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Advent Day 8: Krampus (or pick your battles) [Dec. 7th, 2015|08:26 pm]
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I decided to post this early as there's a video. Because I decided you must recite a christmas poem :)


Krampus (or: Pick Your Battles)

Twas the Night before Christmas
And all through the place
Something was stirring
Mars just hoped it had a face
Dash was still sleeping
His snores filled the room
Simon had books out
There was research to do
What kind of ghostie
Or ghoulie or maybe a troll
Kept them from sleeping
by haunting their halls?

Perhaps, Simon suggested,
It's an echo of someone
Who lived here before
but is long dead and gone

Or maybe, Marshall countered
it's a poltergeist who's come
to wreak havoc upon us
and try to make us run.

Or maybe, a grumpy voice
Called from his bed,
as usual with you geniuses
this is all inside your head.

Shut up, Dash, Marshall called.
Simon kicked him in the shin.
Dash, barefoot and bare chested
sleepily wandered in.

The thing that was haunting
The thing that creeped
made another sound
and oil began to seep
from the cracks around the fireplace
and from underneath the wood
that covered its open maw
to protect them from the cold

Oh crap it's coming, Simon said
Staring at the black
the boards rattled then
And all three men moved back
A knock came at the fireplace
a cackle followed, too
Simon whispered "come on, come on, come on"
while he searched for what to do

And that was when the boards exploded
bursting out in splinters into the room
revealing a goat horned god
who's crooked teeth promised doom

Shit, it's Krampus! Dash called out
and Marshall shot a glare
Simon's hands froze on the pages
and he turned his head to stare
There was nothing in the literature
and nothing in the lore
nothing to save them from the Krampus
unless they could make it out the door.

Merry Christmas, Krampus said
in a voice like dying trees
The red bag over his shoulder
shook and shuddered like their knees
inside they knew were children
naughty girls and boys
and soon the three would join them
in the dark like broken toys.

Krampus advanced upon them
With a grin that froze their hearts
Marshall tried to find a weapon
but could only find a hand.
He squeezed against the fingers
For solidarity, you see,
and Dash X squeezed back
as if to say "you've got me."
But Simon he stepped forward
And he stared the Krampus down
And he GLARED the Krampus down
The Krampus stumbled back a step
from the force of the redhead's narrowed eyes.

No, he announced with anger in his voice
It's our first Christmas together
and we won't let you ruin it by force.
He clenched his fists and raised them
As if violence would deter
The Krampus from his goal
To steal the disrespectful
in the middle of the night.
Simon stooped and scooped his shoe
From upon his foot
Wound up his arm and threw
it landed in the fireplace,
disappearing in the ooze
and Simon shouted down the goat god
with Take that and some candy
And get the hell out of our home!

The Krampus bowed his head
and slipped into the kitchen
it found the bag of treats
and threw some in its sack
then it slunk into the fireplace
which repaired itself as
the Krampus disappeared
(the last thing to go: his face).

I'm going to bed,
Simon announced
as if he hadn't just
singlehandedly saved them
from an angry pagan god
with nothing but a shoe
and some stale candy
from last Halloween.

Dash, realizing he still held Marshall's hand
Dropped it and turned away
Disappearing into his room
And leaving Marshall staring in awe
At the fireplace that had not changed.

Over the next week
Simon read and read and read
And bought supplies and worked
And by the time Christmas rolled around
The boards were gone
And a fire roared in the fireplace.

From: deifire
2015-12-08 01:53 am (UTC)
This is awesome!!!

(And I love your hair in the video.)

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From: eviinsanemonkey
2015-12-08 01:58 am (UTC)

(haha, thanks! I'm enjoying the purple. my roots are starting to grow in but I don't mind because my natural hair is so dark the contrast'll look cool)
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[User Picture]From: lipstickcat
2015-12-08 07:13 am (UTC)
That was extremely awesome! Seriously excellent job! *applauds*
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From: eviinsanemonkey
2015-12-08 02:03 pm (UTC)
thank you! I wish I'd polished it up a bit more, but I'm happy with it mostly.

Glad you like it!
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[User Picture]From: froodle
2015-12-08 07:50 pm (UTC)
Thats so good, omg, i love that simon just basically shouts krampus down!!
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From: eviinsanemonkey
2015-12-08 08:02 pm (UTC)
I felt like Simon has enough shit holidays under his belt that he's not gonna let some evil santa ruin this one.
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[User Picture]From: froodle
2015-12-08 08:03 pm (UTC)
Lol true, hes like, okay krampus, youre evil and scary and all, but have you MET my parents?

And krampus is like, "fair shout, that", takes his shoe and his candy, and bails out
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[User Picture]From: ftrbestseller
2015-12-08 09:49 pm (UTC)
I already saw the vid on Tumblr, but this is seriously awesome. Simon's done with taking anyone's crap, especially pagan gods out to ruin Christmas.
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From: eviinsanemonkey
2015-12-08 10:30 pm (UTC)
Simon is done with all the crap.
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[User Picture]From: froodle
2015-12-08 11:06 pm (UTC)
Who can blame him tbh
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